So, after 60 days, I have the merest suggestion of a bleed. For the last 3 days I have been bone tired, clumsy and generally going around in a dwam, as we Scots would say. I have also had a big decluttering urge - all of these are big pre-menstrual markers for me. The decluttering part is always temporary, sadly, and never gets beyond the complaining about the mess stage. I have had this feeling a couple of times since my last period at the beginning of March, but it has come to nothing - in terms of bleeding or space clearing. Today I have some light spotting, but I remain unconvinced as yet.
I miss it more than I thought I would. I have always had a reassuringly regular period, and I am feeling the loss of that few days of inwardness - it is like an old friend who has suddenly drawn away from my life.. Strange, since I was recently bemoaning the fact that I was menstruating every two weeks. Still, as the song says...
I certainly don't think my periods have stopped completely just yet. I know that it is a decline in my progesterone levels, and I may have erratic cycles for a while, but it is in no way abnormal. I am happy really to go with or without the flow, whatever it is.
I have been doing a lot of reading (again), but mostly mainstream stuff this time. I felt I should look at all aspects of the modern menopausal 'experience'. Some of it is quite disturbing misogynist pieces of hegemony and the majority of it is pro- HRT. I hope to post about this later, once I have stopped stamping my feet and thought about it objectively. I just realised the other day, however, that I have had no dreams at all since I started to read these reductionist texts. I do think that is significant, (although readers may breathe a sigh of relief that there are no pending dream analysis posts in the foreseeable future) - the ancient wisdom does seem to reach down into the psyche and bring out collective truths.
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I find myself very often making the comment, i can deal with the hot flashes etc. but the insomnia and the lack of brain function really is driving me nuts. Especially the insomnia, because it's not that i'm not tired, i am. So it isn't as if i feel like getting up and doing things. Like all the decluttering i need to do.
ReplyDeleteThe only HRT i've tried has been with a natural progesterone and it sure seemed to make everything worse. But, maybe if/when menopause amps the "symptoms" (do we have a better word than that??) maybe i'll give it a try.
Good to "read" you again Jacqui and i hope you are not feeling so bone tired anymore.
The Susun Weed book suggests oatstraw infusion at bedtime. Nettle is good too for nourishing those adrenal glands, which do get a bit stressed at this time of life - that can keep us awake. And olive remedy, of course, for the tiredness. I think too, being aware of how you are feeling and accepting it as part of the change helps to deal with it, but it is a long road my friend. xx
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