Dreaming

I have been doing a lot of Dreamwork over the last few months - and what a rich seam there is to be mined.  My husband has a special an interest in psychoanalysis and dream analysis, so our early morning conversations are very interesting to say the least!
Often we find that our dreams are relevant to each other and insights from one dream can help both of us.
We each have note pads under our pillows to jot down the main points of dreams to help with recall later.
This has led to some strange looking notes and can even become part of the process.  Once my husband awoke from a very vivid dream and wrote down the single word 'Hollywood' - certain that he would remember such a clear dream.  What could he remember in the morning?  Absolutely nothing!  Once I had a very detailed and rambling dream, as mine often are, and wrote most of it out in the middle of the night.  Next morning there was an empty pad - the writing down was also part of my dream!  Fortunately I did remember most of it.  A few weeks ago I woke up and started furiously scribbling down  a dream I could feel slipping away, only to realise at the bottom of the page I had been using the wrong end of the pencil!
 Vicki Noble writing in Shakti Woman talks about group and community dreaming, and I do believe we enter a kind of collective unconscious world when we sleep, so with that in mind, I  plan to share the odd interesting dream here and then reflect on them in a following post.  I have found this to be very useful in these early stages, not to mention good fun - isn't that what it is all about?

Erratic.

This post title could refer to my blogging and my menstrual cycle.  I am interested to note that it is almost 9 months since I last posted here - a sort of pregnancy, during which I have been reflecting, dreaming and researching - trying to make sense of what is about to happen.  So - what has been happening then, during this gestation?  Well, cycling again - very l -o-n-g ones and  really short ones and the odd normal one.  I go around flinging wide the windows and switching off the heating, while my family sit huddled around the fire..  My sleep is often disturbed and not by children.  I am still nursing, but only at bedtime and occasional mornings.
Emotionally I have felt the normal range of human emotions, but they seem heightened, and I am much more inward looking than before.
My dreams often contain symbols which I can relate to the changes in my body and emotions, and I dream a lot.  I no longer wear makeup or dye my hair, but feel completely happy with the way I look. I have begun to think really seriously about my health - taking up Tai- Chi and making dietary changes.
I have read and studied and  realise I have so much to  learn.
Susun Weed, in her excellent book, says once you ask yourself the question 'Is this menopause' then the answer is a resounding 'YES'.
So now I know.

Peeping through the crack.

So - I have felt the stirrings - what do I do now? Invest in air-conditioning and purpley-coloured baggy jumpers? No!  I do what I always do when faced with new or challenging situations  ... head over to Amazon. There are bound to be loads of books written about spiritual aspects of menopause. I type the word 'menopuase' into the search page - Miriam Stoppard's book comes out top - well - it would really. Scrolling down, I am quite disappointed  - most of the books seem to be about: what to expect physically, how to 'beat' the menopause, how to stay young, thin and beautiful despite the menopause, or are comedy/celebrity takes on the change. I even come across an MP3 download called "Smells like menopause" by an outfit called Kalibas. A sample track is available - I listen - it sounds like our old central heating boiler when it was breaking down - a subliminal connection maybe?
Surprisingly, there are no books which appear to be aimed at the menopausal breastfeeding woman! In fact, very few jump off the screen at me - they are either: not available, expensive, don't appeal after reading the spiel, or will take too long to arrive. I am a woman of change and I have a need for information now! Then I spy Susun S Weed's - New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way. Well, I have enjoyed her other books and dip into her Ezine on occasion, so I pop it in my basket, along with Christiane Northrup's: Wisdom of the Menopause. I am not too sure of this one, as it is written by a GP. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just that I don't really want a lecture on what my hormones are up to etc. As a former nurse, I know a lot about the medical stuff - what I need is stories of the ancient wisdom. I am, however, slightly won over by the reader's reviews, so in it goes.
I await the parcel impatiently. Having decided that I am on the cusp of a life-changing transition I want to shout out "BRING IT ON"

Who's that knocking at my door?

This month I began to chart my menstrual cycle. I was inspired to do this after reading a review of Thirteen Moons - a cycle charting handbook and journal, by Jane Hardwicke Collings. In truth, it is something I have been thinking about for a while. I have been aware that my cycle is in tune with the moon - menstruating around the dark/new moon and ovulating just before the full moon, but I wanted to explore this in a deeper way - recording dreams, moods, energy levels and creativity etc. I began charting these in my 13 moons journal on the first day of my June menses . So far so good. Low energy and inwardness in the first few days and then a burst of activity at the end of my period. I looked forward to experiencing the creative and sexy time of the mid-cycle at the full moon. On day 13 I felt a strong cramp like pain on the left side of my belly. I remembered Jane, in her sample chart had noted a left sided ovulatory pain on day 12, so I duly did the same. That night I had the most amazing and vivid dream and the following night I had 2  further vivid dreams. I began to feel increasingly tired and drained and low in spirits. I could not understand why - was I not about to be at the peak of my most creative, energetic and attractive moon phase? Full and round and dazzling? If I didn't know better....
Well - what did I know? To my complete surprise, as I prepared for bed on day 17, I found I was bleeding. "Just spotting" I told my husband. Not so - it has turned into a full blown period, just 13 days after the end of my last one.
Now I may very well be jumping the gun here. Menopause is not a single event, it is a natural progression over many years - but I really feel I have heard the faint knockings of my inner crone! I will be 49 in November after all. She has to come out sometime. Suddenly all my dreams made sense in a different way to how I first perceived them.   I am slightly horrified, yet excited and anticipating at the same time. A bit of a complication is that I am still breastfeeding my two year old and it is my intention to carry on until he self weans. How will that work out? Is it a problem? I am still coming to terms with this second period in a month- it is really quite disorientating. I also don't know how I will manage to stay healthy enough to breastfeed, if I am going to have very short cycles too.
I hope to remain positive, though and listen to my body during this transition, however long it may take. This blog is a way for me to record the journey that will open the door to the Crone.